130+ Beard Puns: Jokes and One-Liners

Beards aren’t just a fashion statement; they’re a source of endless amusement, especially when it comes to wordplay. Whether you’re a proud beard-wearer or just a fan of facial fuzz, this compilation of beard-related humor is sure to tickle your funny bone. 

From puns that are so bad they’re good, to clever one-liners that are smooth as a well-oiled beard, get ready to comb through a list that will make you laugh so hard, your whiskers might fall off!

Funny Beard Puns

• Beard me up, Scotty!
• I find your lack of beard disturbing.
• May the beard be with you.
• Without a beard, you’re the same as every other clean-shaven face.
• Beardiful inside and out.
• Fear the beard, not the man.
• The beard life chose me.
• A good beard is a very grow-tivating sight.
• I’m not saying my beard is a big deal, but the mailman delivers its fan mail.
• Beards are an acquired taste. Don’t like them? Acquire some taste.
• Some fathers teach their sons to shave; others teach them to be men.
• Keep calm and grow a beard.
• Why do I grow a beard? Because I’m neither a woman nor a child.
• Beard: a badge of patience.
• Beards: because face warmers can’t plug into USB.
• Growing a beard: because I can’t grow taller.
• Don’t like my beard? That’s okay, I didn’t grow it for you.
• Beard sign: Handle with care.
• Talk to the beard, because the face ain’t listening.
• Stroking a beard does not indicate wisdom, but it sure feels wise.
• Beard rule: if you touch my beard, I will touch your butt.
• Growing a beard takes patience, something most women just don’t understand.
• Respect the beard that was grown for your protection.
• Beard on point, priorities in check.
• I grew a beard thinking it would say “Distinguished Gentleman.” Instead, it says, “Senior Discount, Please!”
• Not all heroes wear capes, some just grow a beard.
• To beard or not to beard? That’s a silly question.
• Split ends fear the beard.
• Beard: Sunscreen for manly men.
• Beard it and they will come.

Funny Beard Puns

• Don’t go shaving all at once!
• He’s got a beard because he’s always up to scruff.
• I asked my beard for advice, and it said, “That’s none of my bristle.”
• Never underestimate a man with a beard; he’s got a few tricks up his sleeved.
• When it comes to beards, I always make a close shave.
• Can a beard tell jokes? Only if it’s a comedian beard.
• If your beard was a song, it would be a chart stubble.
• Wearing a beard is a hairy situation.
• My beard grows so slowly; it’s like watching hair dry.
• Beards are the ultimate face saver.
• Some people grow a beard; I prefer to embark on mine.
• I couldn’t figure out the beard trimmer, so I guess I’ll wing it.
• My beard always wins in fights; it’s stubble and strong.
• His beard was legendary; they called him the Lord of the Strings.
• Is your beard magic? Because it’s bewitchingly handsome.
• I wanted to grow a beard but I could never quite make the cut.
• Just saw a pirate with a beard. He looked Arrr-tistically trimmed!
• Have you heard about the beard competition? May the best beard win.
• Beards make everything more inter-est-tache-ing.
• Keep calm and carry a comb.
• I’m reading a book on beards. It’s really growing on me.
• What do you call a beard that grows overnight? Fast fur-ward.
• The only place where success comes before work is in the beard-tionary.
• Why do beards never get lonely? Because they are part of a hair-raising community.
• To beard or not to beard? That’s a hairy question.
• What do you call a mistake in your beard? A faux-pas-hair.
• Your beard is starting to grow on me, literally.
• What do you call a philosophical beard? Chin-thinker.
• Did you hear about the beard that won an award? It was hair-lauded.
• Why do I like talking about beards? Because it’s a whisker-y business.

Read Also: FUNNY EAR PUNS AND JOKES: EAR-RESISTIBLE HUMOR

Funny Beard Jokes

• Why don’t beards ever get lost? Because they always know the hair-way to go!
• How do you fix a broken beard? With whisker tape!
• What did the beard say to the mustache? “We mustache you a question, but we’ll shave it for later.”
• Why was the beard so calm during the storm? Because it had perfect self-comb-trol.
• What’s a beard’s favorite drink? Hair-tea!
• What do you call a beard in the South Pole? Frosted tips!
• Why was the beard excited to see the barber? It wanted a trim-endous change!
• How does a beard write a blog? By bearding his soul online!
• What kind of car does a beard drive? A barber-ian!
• How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
• What do you call a dinosaur with a beard? A Fossil-Face!
• Why did the beard go to school? To improve its combing skills!
• What did the razor say to the beard? “You’re next!”
• What do you call a beard that acts in movies? Star stubble!
• What did one beard say to the other beard when they got into a fight? “You’re such a smooth talker!”
• Why do beards love winter? Because it’s chilly on the chin-chin!
• What do you call a sad beard? Blue beard!
• What’s a beard’s favorite fruit? A peach, because of all the fuzz!
• How do you know a beard is thinking? When it strokes itself!
• What do you call a beard that can sing? A barbershop quartet!

Funny Beard One-Liners

• “Beards are the new six-pack.”
• “My beard is not a trend; it’s a lifestyle.”
• “Grow what your father gave you.”
• “Time is measured in days, weeks, and beards.”
• “Keep your friends close and your barber closer.”
• “Life isn’t perfect, but your beard can be.”
• “Beard sign: great things to come.”
• “Fear the beard, not the burden.”
• “Beards are just grass for your face.”
• “A beard is a gift you give your face.”
• “The longer the beard, the greater the wisdom.”
• “A man without a beard is like bread without the crust.”
• “Love me, love my beard.”
• “Every beard needs a little love.”
• “I don’t work out much, but my beard lifts.”
• “Men don’t grow beards, beards grow men.”
• “With great beard comes great responsibility.”
• “Trimming is temporary, beard is forever.”
• “You can’t handle the beard!”
• “Some call it a beard, I call it the flavor saver.”
• “Beard me up, Scotty.”
• “I grew my beard out a little bit just to show that, indeed, I am a man.”
• “World’s best beard guard.”
• “Beards make everything better.”
• “A good beard is a roadmap to success.”
• “More beard, less fear.”
• “Keep your head high and your beard higher.”
• “Beard: the ultimate statement of patience.”
• “Let it grow, let it grow, can’t hold it back anymore.”
• “Beard on point, life on track.”