130+ Beard Puns: Jokes and One-Liners

Beards aren’t just a fashion statement; they’re a source of endless amusement, especially when it comes to wordplay. Whether you’re a proud beard-wearer or just a fan of facial fuzz, this compilation of beard-related humor is sure to tickle your funny bone. 

From puns that are so bad they’re good, to clever one-liners that are smooth as a well-oiled beard, get ready to comb through a list that will make you laugh so hard, your whiskers might fall off!

Funny Beard Puns

  • Beard me up, Scotty!
  • I find your lack of beard disturbing.
  • May the beard be with you.
  • Without a beard, you’re the same as every other clean-shaven face.
  • Beardiful inside and out.
  • Fear the beard, not the man.
  • The beard life chose me.
  • A good beard is a very grow-tivating sight.
  • I’m not saying my beard is a big deal, but the mailman delivers its fan mail.
  • Beards are an acquired taste. Don’t like them? Acquire some taste.
  • Some fathers teach their sons to shave; others teach them to be men.
  • Keep calm and grow a beard.
  • Why do I grow a beard? Because I’m neither a woman nor a child.
  • Beard: a badge of patience.
  • Beards: because face warmers can’t plug into USB.
  • Growing a beard: because I can’t grow taller.
  • Don’t like my beard? That’s okay, I didn’t grow it for you.
  • Beard sign: Handle with care.
  • Talk to the beard, because the face ain’t listening.
  • Stroking a beard does not indicate wisdom, but it sure feels wise.
  • Beard rule: if you touch my beard, I will touch your butt.
  • Growing a beard takes patience, something most women just don’t understand.
  • Respect the beard that was grown for your protection.
  • Beard on point, priorities in check.
  • I grew a beard thinking it would say “Distinguished Gentleman.” Instead, it says, “Senior Discount, Please!”
  • Not all heroes wear capes, some just grow a beard.
  • To beard or not to beard? That’s a silly question.
  • Split ends fear the beard.
  • Beard: Sunscreen for manly men.
  • Beard it and they will come.
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Funny Beard Puns

  • Don’t go shaving all at once!
  • He’s got a beard because he’s always up to scruff.
  • I asked my beard for advice, and it said, “That’s none of my bristle.”
  • Never underestimate a man with a beard; he’s got a few tricks up his sleeved.
  • When it comes to beards, I always make a close shave.
  • Can a beard tell jokes? Only if it’s a comedian beard.
  • If your beard was a song, it would be a chart stubble.
  • Wearing a beard is a hairy situation.
  • My beard grows so slowly; it’s like watching hair dry.
  • Beards are the ultimate face saver.
  • Some people grow a beard; I prefer to embark on mine.
  • I couldn’t figure out the beard trimmer, so I guess I’ll wing it.
  • My beard always wins in fights; it’s stubble and strong.
  • His beard was legendary; they called him the Lord of the Strings.
  • Is your beard magic? Because it’s bewitchingly handsome.
  • I wanted to grow a beard but I could never quite make the cut.
  • Just saw a pirate with a beard. He looked Arrr-tistically trimmed!
  • Have you heard about the beard competition? May the best beard win.
  • Beards make everything more inter-est-tache-ing.
  • Keep calm and carry a comb.
  • I’m reading a book on beards. It’s really growing on me.
  • What do you call a beard that grows overnight? Fast fur-ward.
  • The only place where success comes before work is in the beard-tionary.
  • Why do beards never get lonely? Because they are part of a hair-raising community.
  • To beard or not to beard? That’s a hairy question.
  • What do you call a mistake in your beard? A faux-pas-hair.
  • Your beard is starting to grow on me, literally.
  • What do you call a philosophical beard? Chin-thinker.
  • Did you hear about the beard that won an award? It was hair-lauded.
  • Why do I like talking about beards? Because it’s a whisker-y business.
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Read Also: FUNNY EAR PUNS AND JOKES: EAR-RESISTIBLE HUMOR

Funny Beard Jokes

  • Why don’t beards ever get lost? Because they always know the hair-way to go!
  • How do you fix a broken beard? With whisker tape!
  • What did the beard say to the mustache? “We mustache you a question, but we’ll shave it for later.”
  • Why was the beard so calm during the storm? Because it had perfect self-comb-trol.
  • What’s a beard’s favorite drink? Hair-tea!
  • What do you call a beard in the South Pole? Frosted tips!
  • Why was the beard excited to see the barber? It wanted a trim-endous change!
  • How does a beard write a blog? By bearding his soul online!
  • What kind of car does a beard drive? A barber-ian!
  • How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut!
  • What do you call a dinosaur with a beard? A Fossil-Face!
  • Why did the beard go to school? To improve its combing skills!
  • What did the razor say to the beard? “You’re next!”
  • What do you call a beard that acts in movies? Star stubble!
  • What did one beard say to the other beard when they got into a fight? “You’re such a smooth talker!”
  • Why do beards love winter? Because it’s chilly on the chin-chin!
  • What do you call a sad beard? Blue beard!
  • What’s a beard’s favorite fruit? A peach, because of all the fuzz!
  • How do you know a beard is thinking? When it strokes itself!
  • What do you call a beard that can sing? A barbershop quartet!

Funny Beard One-Liners

  • “Beards are the new six-pack.”
  • “My beard is not a trend; it’s a lifestyle.”
  • “Grow what your father gave you.”
  • “Time is measured in days, weeks, and beards.”
  • “Keep your friends close and your barber closer.”
  • “Life isn’t perfect, but your beard can be.”
  • “Beard sign: great things to come.”
  • “Fear the beard, not the burden.”
  • Beards are just grass for your face.”
  • “A beard is a gift you give your face.”
  • “The longer the beard, the greater the wisdom.”
  • “A man without a beard is like bread without the crust.”
  • “Love me, love my beard.”
  • “Every beard needs a little love.”
  • “I don’t work out much, but my beard lifts.”
  • “Men don’t grow beards, beards grow men.”
  • “With great beard comes great responsibility.”
  • “Trimming is temporary, beard is forever.”
  • “You can’t handle the beard!”
  • “Some call it a beard, I call it the flavor saver.”
  • “Beard me up, Scotty.”
  • “I grew my beard out a little bit just to show that, indeed, I am a man.”
  • “World’s best beard guard.”
  • “Beards make everything better.”
  • “A good beard is a roadmap to success.”
  • “More beard, less fear.”
  • “Keep your head high and your beard higher.”
  • “Beard: the ultimate statement of patience.”
  • “Let it grow, let it grow, can’t hold it back anymore.”
  • “Beard on point, life on track.”

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