Calculus: the branch of mathematics that tells us exactly why, at the very moment we finally manage to solve part of its mystery, another derivative pops up!

Whether you’re a math enthusiast, a student trying to navigate through derivatives and integrals, or just a lover of good humor, this collection of over 280 calculus puns, jokes, and one-liners is designed to add a little exponential fun to your day!

**Funny Calculus Puns**

**Why do calculus teachers throw the best parties?**They know all the prime functions!**What do you call a number that can’t keep still?**A roamin’ numeral!**Why did the function feel sad?**Because it was not derivable.**How do you comfort a sad mathematician?**With algebros.**Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?**It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!**What do you call an angle that is adorable?**Acute angle!**Why don’t calculus majors throw house parties?**Because you should never drink and derive.**What’s the integral of 1/cabin?**Log cabin, plus C — a houseboat!**Why do mathematicians hate the beach?**Because they can’t differentiate the sea and sand.**What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?**Pumpkin Pi!**Why was the equal sign so humble?**Because he wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.**What do you call an angle that’s gone bad?**A ‘rebel’ angle!**Why did the variable break up with the constant?**He found her too limiting.**How does a mathematician solve a constipation problem?**They work it out with a pencil.**What did the algebra book say to the calculus book?**“Man, you’ve got problems!”**Why are parallel lines so tragic?**They have so much in common, but they’ll never meet.**What’s a math teacher’s favorite snack?**Pi!**Why did the polynomial go to therapy?**It couldn’t deal with its complex roots.**How do mathematicians scold their children?**“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…”**What do you call a number that can’t keep still?**A roamin’ numeral!**What’s a bird’s favorite type of math?**Owl-gebra!**Why do plants hate math?**It gives them square roots.**Why was the math book sad?**It had too many problems.**What do you call a group of calculators?**A calcu-lattice!**Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?**Because it was more than 90 degrees.**What’s a mathematician’s favorite ride at the amusement park?**The roller co-ster!**Why did the vector go to school?**To improve its magnitude and direction.**What kind of tree could a math teacher climb?**Geometry.**Why do mathematicians like airlines?**They use Pi-lots.**What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?**A high-pot-in-use!**Why do logarithms never throw a party?**Because they’re always solving exponents.**What do you call two friends who love math?**Algebros.**What did the zero say to the eight?**Nice belt!**Why are obtuse angles so depressed?**Because they are never right.**What do you call a lower angle?**Downright!**Why did the student wear glasses in math class?**To improve di-vision.**What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonald’s?**A plane cheeseburger.**Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?**Because X always equals 10.**Why do math professors love parks?**Because of the natural logs.**What do you call an algebra teacher who likes to breakdance?**A square dancer!**Funny Puns About Calculus****Why did the calculus teacher write on the window?**To clarify transparent concepts!**What do you call a derivative that’s lived overseas?**A foreign function!**Why don’t derivatives work at night?**They’re not good with darker functions.**What do you call an integral in the ocean?**A swim-tegral!**Why was the tangent afraid to go to school?**It couldn’t face the secant.**Why did the student do his calculus homework on the beach?**Because he wanted to find his tan line!**What do you say when you see an empty graph?**“Oh plot!”**Why are calculus teachers great dancers?**Because they have all the right moves.**How does a mathematician chop a tree?**By using a tree diagram!**What’s calculus’s favorite type of dance?**The Funk-tion.**Why was the graph paper crying?**It had too many problems to plot.**How can you tell you’re talking to an extroverted mathematician?**He looks at your shoes when talking to you instead of his own.**What do you call a young eigensheep?**A lamb, duh!**Why did the algebra teacher and the calculus teacher break up?**They had integration issues.**How does a mathematician organize a party?**They planet.**What did the function say to the derivative?**“Stop changing me!”**Why is beer never served at a math party?**Because you can’t drink and derive.**What did the irrational number say to the imaginary number?**“Get real!”**Why did the exponential function go to the party alone?**Because it didn’t need a base to feel good!**How do you catch a lion with calculus?**Use the element of surprise.**Why did the two vectors break up?**They weren’t going in the same direction.**What do you call a dead parabola?**A flat-liner.**Why do mathematicians enjoy flying on planes?**Because they’re co-linear.**How do mathematicians like their chicken?**Norm-alized.**What did the stinky function say?**“I need a range check!”**Why are mathematicians bad liars?**You can see right through their plots.**How do you comfort a math teacher?**“Don’t worry, it’s all going to add up in the end.”**Why was the derivative sent to detention?**It couldn’t behave properly.**What’s a mathematician’s favorite winter sport?**Snowboarding on a hyperplane.**Why don’t mathematicians argue with derivatives?**They just can’t deal with their rate of change.**What did calculus say when it got famous?**“Now I’m in my prime!”**Why do mathematicians hate walking in the forest?**Too many natural logs.**What happens when you put a function in the oven?**It becomes a pie-chart.**Why did the mathematician break up with calculus?**Too many issues with limits.**Why did the line get a ticket?**It couldn’t stay within the limits.**What do you call an algebraic superhero?**The Incredi-variable!**Why are polynomials so sad?**They’re always being divided.**What did the angry mother function say to her derivative son?**“I’ve reached my limit with you!”**Why did calculus go to therapy?**It couldn’t integrate its problems.**How do you find the beach party?**You integrate along the coast!

**Best Calculus Humour**

**Why was the function so bent out of shape?**Because it had too many derivatives!**What do you get if you differentiate a cow?**Prime beef!**Why did the polynomial plant die?**It couldn’t find its roots.**What’s the integral of 1/cabin?**A natural log cabin plus C (a sea)!**What do you call a group of radicals having a party?**A square root function!**Why don’t calculus majors throw house parties?**Because you should never drink and derive.**Why do mathematicians throw confetti on Halloween?**To make the functions continuous.**How do you find the derivative of Amazon?**Prime!**Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?**The teacher told him not to use tables.**Why do mathematicians love amusement parks?**Because of all the roller coaster functions.**What kind of tree could a math teacher climb?**Geometry.**Why did the function stop calling its derivative?**It didn’t see the point of tangency.**What’s the derivative of a wheel?**Rolling!**Why do mathematicians hate U.S. rivers?**Because they’re always in de-Nile (denial)!**What do you call the leader of a biology gang?**The Nucleus!**What do mathematicians like to throw during parties?**Natural logs.**What do you call an angle that is adorable?**Acute angle.**Why do calculus students hate autumn?**Because all the functions start losing their leaves.**Why did the student drown in his math class?**He couldn’t streamline his thoughts.**What’s a math teacher’s favorite sum?**Summer!**Why do math books have so many problems?**That’s their job!**Why do math teachers make good dancers?**They have algorithm.**What do you call a decomposing angle?**A dead radians.**How does a mathematician plow fields?**With a pro-tractor.**Why was the equal sign so humble?**Because he wasn’t less than or greater than anyone else.**Why do plants hate math?**It gives them square roots.**What do you call an empty parrot cage?**Polynomial (Polly’s no meal).**Why is beer never served at a math party?**Because you can’t drink and derive.**What did the zero say to the eight?**“Nice belt!”**Why do statisticians make great sailors?**They’re good with knots.**Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?**His parents wouldn’t cosine.**What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonald’s?**A plane cheeseburger.**Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?**Because it was over 90 degrees.**What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?**A tangent (tan gent).**Why did the vector go to school?**It needed direction.**What does a mathematician do about constipation?**Works it out with a pencil.**Why was the math book sad?**Because it had too many problems.**How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?**“I’ve got my eyes like πr^2 on you.”**Why was the geometry book always unhappy?**Because it always had too many problems.**What do you call friends who love math?**Algebros.

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