130+ Funny Presidents Day Puns, Jokes, and One-Liners

Introduction:

Presidents Day isn’t just a time for sales and a day off school; it’s a perfect occasion to tickle your funny bone with some presidential humor. 

Let’s dive into a collection of hilarious puns, jokes, and one-liners that celebrate the quirkiest quirks of the United States’ commanders-in-chief.

Funny Presidents Day

• Why couldn’t George Washington chop down the cherry tree? Because he couldn’t lie about needing a break!
• What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
• Why did George Washington struggle in art class? He couldn’t draw a line without starting a revolution!
• Why did George Washington carry a pencil? To draw his battle lines!
• What’s George Washington’s favorite holiday? Inde-pen-dance Day!
• What dance was George Washington best at? The colonial shuffle!
• Why didn’t George Washington ever play cards on the ocean? Because the Constitution said to avoid pier pressure.
• Why did Washington have trouble sleeping? Too many colonialists in his bed!
• Did you hear about the new George Washington car? It has zero emissions; it cannot tell a lie!
• What do you call George Washington’s false teeth? Presidentures!
• Why did George Washington never get knocked out? He had wooden resolve!
• How did George Washington speak to his armies? In general terms!
• What’s George Washington’s favorite game? Monopoly—he always gets the White House!
• Why did George Washington go to the creek? To keep his wig cool!
• What did George Washington say to his troops before they got in the boat? Men, row-bust!
• Why was George Washington a great joke teller? He knew how to deliver a punch(line)!
• What kind of boat would George Washington never sail? Dictatorship!
• Why was it hard to beat George Washington in a race? He took revolutionary strides!
• What snack did George Washington have at his inauguration? Liberty bell peppers!
• How did George Washington communicate with his spies? By using coloni-mail!
• What was George Washington’s favorite tree? The cabinet tree, because he could always hang his policies there!
• Why did George Washington wear red, white, and blue? Because he bruised easily!
• What’s George Washington’s least favorite vegetable? King corn!
• Why do George Washington’s clothes always look sharp? Because he had a constitutional right to bear arms!
• Why was George Washington never in a hurry? He had all the time in the world after founding it!
• What did George Washington say when he crossed the Delaware? “Ice to meet you!”
• Why did George Washington get elected as president? Because he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen!
• What was George Washington’s favorite chess piece? The king, because he knew how to check-mate tyranny!
• What’s George Washington’s favorite exercise? Cross-the-Delaware fit!
• What was George Washington’s favorite animal at the zoo? The eaglets—he loved seeing new American symbols!

Funny Presidents Day Puns And Jokes

• What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty!
• Why did the President use ketchup in the rain? To Heinz-sight the bad weather!
• What would you get if you crossed a famous President with a famous magician? Houdini Lincoln!
• Why did Abraham Lincoln do well in school? He was always honest in his Abe-Cs!
• Why don’t you play poker with the presidents on Mount Rushmore? Because they’re all stone-faced!
• What do you call a fight between American Presidents? Founding Fathers’ fisticuffs!
• Why did Thomas Jefferson write the Declaration of Independence on a laptop? He wanted a revolutionary tablet!
• What did the patriotic dog say about Presidents Day? “Bark Obama!”
• Why was Thomas Jefferson such a good writer? Because he knew how to use a Declaration!
• How do presidents stay cool? By staying in the Roosevelt-vation!
• Why did the President insist on a high fence around the White House? For more security, less policy!
• What do you call a sleepy president? Yawn Adams!
• Why was Lincoln never at fault? He was in a cent!
• How did George Washington communicate with his spies? He spied-er web!
• Why is it hard to talk to a president? Because sometimes they filibuster the conversation!
• What’s a president’s favorite condiment? Debate!
• Why don’t presidents argue with their wives? They don’t want another veto in the house!
• What’s Nixon’s favorite game? I spy!
• Why did the Secret Service surround the president with glue? To prevent a splitting cabinet!
• What would you get if you crossed a president with a potato? A commentator!
• Why did the president bring string to the debate? Just in case he needed to tie up loose ends!
• What’s a president’s favorite way to cook steak? Executive broil!
• Why don’t presidents eat beans? Because they don’t want to gas up the Oval Office!
• What do you call an executive branch tree? A bush!
• Why are presidential speeches so sugary? They always need more campaign syrup!
• What did Washington say to his army at Valley Forge? “Stick around, it’ll be revolutionary!”
• Why do presidents love tennis? It’s all about the swing states!
• What did Lincoln say when he got annoyed? “Enough with the four-score and seven years ago!”
• Why did the chicken run for president? He wanted to rule the roost!
• What was Teddy Roosevelt’s favorite childhood game? Bully!
  Funny Presidents Day Puns and One-Liners
• What’s George Washington’s favorite game? I cannot tell a lie.
• Why did Lincoln wear a tall hat? To keep a head of state!
• What do you call an honest president? A rare breed.
• Why did the president use an iron to press his pants? To keep his policy smooth.
• What’s a president’s favorite kitchen appliance? The cabinet.
• Why don’t presidents sweat the small stuff? They have a chief concern.
• What’s a president’s favorite way to cook eggs? Over easy veto.
• Why don’t presidents get hungry? Because of all the campaign trail mix!
• What did the president say about his broken chair? It’s under executive disrepair.
• What’s a president’s least favorite movie genre? Documentaries — too many papers!
• What did George Washington say to his lime trees? Stop the sour relations!
• How does a president stop a movie? He presses the executive pause.
• Why was the president a good actor? He always took the leading role.
• What’s the president’s favorite part of the newspaper? The executive summary.
• How do presidents relax? By running a nation-wide bath.
• Why did the president draw curtains? For more privacy policies.
• Why are presidents good at bowling? They always strike the opposition.
• What do you call a group of presidential advisors? A cabinet meeting.
• What do presidents read in the morning? Executive orders for breakfast.
• What’s a president’s favorite vegetable? Head of state cabbage.
• Why did the president wear glasses? To improve his political vision.
• Why don’t presidents use stairs? They prefer the executive lift.
• What do presidents do with bad laws? They veto them unanimously.
• What kind of lighting do presidents prefer? Executive spotlight.
• What did the president say to the stalemate? Let’s change tactics.
• Why are presidential speeches like magic spells? They both need a captive audience.
• What’s a president’s favorite cereal? Mini-Wheats of Congress.
• What do you call an artistic president? A Draw-mander in Chief.
• Why don’t presidents get locked out? They always carry master keys.
• What’s the president’s favorite kind of fishing? Debate fishing.
  Best Puns About Presidents
• Why was the president’s garden so orderly? He ran a tight ship of state.
• What do you call a small president? A mini-ster.
• Why are former presidents great for gardening? They’re good at planting seeds of change.
• What do presidents eat for dessert? Peach impeach-ment pie.
• What’s a president’s favorite shoe? Anything with a solemn oath.
• Why was the president a good carpenter? He knew how to cabinet-make.
• What do presidents drink on hot days? Liberty lemonade.
• What’s a busy president’s least favorite insect? A cricket (too much chirping!).
• Why are presidents’ speeches so sharp? They always point out the facts.
• What makes presidential debates so energizing? The charge of opinions.
• Why do presidents hate breezes? They can’t control the winds of change.
• What’s a president’s favorite type of music? Soul-utions.
• What do you call a presidential mistake? A faux pas-tus.
• Why are presidential memoirs long? They never want to leave office.
• What do you call a former president who is chill? A cool ex-ec.
• What’s a president’s favorite farm animal? The executive branch chicken.
• Why do presidents love radiators? They keep the office heated.
• What do you call a funny presidential decision? A gag order.
• Why are presidents great at puzzles? They always see the big picture.
• What do you call a president with rhythm? The Commander in Beats.
• How do presidents decorate their offices? With constitutional amendments.
• What’s the president’s least favorite game? Hide and secrets.
• Why don’t presidents race? They prefer a term limit.
• What’s the president’s favorite board game? Risk.
• Why do presidents have high energy? They’re always in campaign mode.
• What did the president say about his herb garden? It’s mint to be!
• What kind of music do presidents avoid? Leak-step.
• What’s the president’s favorite magical power? Veto spell.
• Why do presidents enjoy laundry day? They love pressing matters.
• What do presidents fear most about amusement parks? The rollercoaster of approval ratings.